Tom Walma

Some Jokes

I butt-dialed a GroupOn purchase of a "1-day CCW gun class taught by a US Marine". I figure if I accidentally buy shit with my phone when it's in my pocket, maybe I shouldn't carry a gun

When I die, I want to be hollowed out and made into a piñata filled with the inheritance. Or tell people that but be a normal corpse

I filled a condom with urine like it was a water balloon. I'm so proud. It is my magnum o'piss

If you have red hair and are balding, instead of using fake hair in a spray can, cut the top of your head so that blood covers the bald spots

A really long beard tucked into your pants becomes pubic hair

You can donate 30% of your liver. So if you're a bad parent, give it to your kid before they grow up, that way they have extra liver to better handle the alcoholism caused by your parenting

There should be a hedonistic holiday between Good Friday & Easter, since Jesus is gone. Then on Easter, we'd all be like "Shit!!! He's back"

As someone who wants to merge with computers & become a cyborg, eating more natural and organic foods would be a step in the wrong direction

Tattoos are stationary pictures on a surface that moves. I wonder if anyone has ever gotten a tattoo because they heard someone say that they loved "moving pictures", not realizing that by "moving pictures" they were talking about television

Video

Performing standup comedy at Dr. Grins Comedy club in Grand Rapids, MI at the Funniest Person in Grand Rapids comedy contest.  I'd being doing open mics for about a year at the time this was filmed.

One of my first dozen or so times on stage at the Ann Arbor comedy showcase in March 2015

The Sunday Night Funnies is a live stand-up comedy show recorded live at the Riverfront Hotel's Landing Lounge, 270 Ann St. NW in Grand Rapids, MI.  I appear on the video starting at time 06:16

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